A Normal Day.....

          Today went better in some ways... and worse in other ways... than I expected.... Today was the day... the 4th anniversary of my sister's death.... Besides the fact that I am the type of individual who is deeply affected by anniversary dates, because of the nature of my sister's illness and death, it isn't just one date. It was long and drawn out over months, and the entire "season" of the anniversary affects not only me, but other members of my family as well.

          I was going to try to push myself , this year, to have a fun day with my kids.... something that is often harder for me to do than it should be anyway. My mind is always on work that needs to be done.... It was my plan to go to the park and also get some shopping done... I didn't feel like I could manage staying home and having a normal day.

           However, I woke up feeling very sore from the yardwork I did yesterday... I was moving very slowly this morning, and was trying to get my thoughts organized and realized it was going to be a rainy day.... Sarah was invited last minute to go to a birthday party, so that also made things more difficult. She also wanted to go shopping with us. So, as I tried to plan my day, I figured, I'd just take the little ones grocery shopping, and then play games with them.... We got lunch made and I was trying to finalize my meal plan for the week and make a grocery list.....

            The kids kept asking when we would go, but my brain just wasn't working that fast and I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the task. I was also trying to straighten up the kitchen, and asked the kids to do the same for the dining room and living room. I got the idea (thank goodness) to make supper then, instead of later since I knew I'd be tired, so I took some time as I made a nice lasagna with homemade ricotta cheese.

              Sarah's ride came and she left, but shortly after, we discovered our water line had air in it and was spitting and spewing dark brown water from our pipes... not sure why this happens, but every now and then, it does. This was the longest time we ever had just air and no water at all, though... the toilet made a horrendous sound for over 20 minutes and I called Tony to see what we should do about it. He called the water company, and they would be coming by, so we had to wait and not leave.... I couldn't do laundry, which I was preparing to do because the washer was now filled with brown water.... After awhile, the water started flowing again, though brown, then yellow in color.... the water guy came and I told him what we experienced and he said they were looking for a leak and didn't know why this was happening, but that they were working on it. The whole time, the kids kept asking me when we were going to leave, but I had to run all the water faucets to flush them out.

                Finally, at 4:30pm, I piled the kids into the van and we headed to Aldi... and of course, now it started pouring down rain.... I felt like the sky was reflecting my emotions, to be honest.... I wasn't really in the mood to go shopping at all, especially with my youngest three kids. Thankfully, they were pretty well-behaved, for the most part, but it is never easy to get through the check-out with them. Today, they each had money that they earned from working in the yard yesterday, so they wanted to buy candy.... one almost had a meltdown because the candy she wanted was tucked behind the other candy and it took a minute for me to find it. Phew! Then, while I loaded all the groceries into the many cloth tote bags that I had brought with me, the three of them kept running about even though I told them they MUST sit down.... When we took the groceries to the van it was raining even harder than before...my muscles strained as I lifted each bag of groceries myself and I told the kids to get in the van and buckle up... of course, one had to tease and two had to scream before they complied.

                 Driving home, I was thinking about how I didn't feel like I could handle having a "normal" day with this anniversary... and it wasn't really normal either... ha, ha...... it was pretty crazy.... but I sensed Jesus telling me that He walked through it with me .... Yeah, it did not really distract me from my grief...... I thought about my sister a lot today.....  but He was there with me.... and yes, it got crazy and I cried a little.... but He was right there.... I had tried to make plans to keep my heart from hurting too much, but I couldn't really protect myself that way. He knew that walking out a crazy, difficult day was best for me, even though it would not distract me from the deeper pain, but it instead would help me to rely a little more on Him.

                And, maybe, in a way.... that is as close as I can get to having a "normal" day for this anniversary.


Under His Wing.......