Learning to Live Out the True Self

Have you ever read a book that was life-changing? I have been in the process of changing since I started reading a book called Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. He is a Christian psychologist, and the book deals primarily with relational issues. Everyone has issues that get in the way of forming deeper relationships, and I have plenty myself. In this book, the author helps us to understand what the problem is, what the solution is, what the barriers are to the solutions, and what we can do to move towards growth, healing, and deeper relationship.

This morning, this passage hit me strongly-- "[He] found that when he could be himself in relationship with God and others, healing was possible. Problems occur when the real self, the one God created, is hiding from God and others.

If the true self is in hiding, the false self is the self that is conformed to this world (Rom. 12:2). The false self is the self we present to others, the false front, if you will, that we put up for others to see."

Also, "As long as the lying, false self is the one relating to God, others, and ourselves, then grace and truth cannot heal us. The false self tries to 'heal' us by its own methods; it always finds false solutions, and the real self that God created to grow into his likeness stays hidden and unexposed to grace and truth." Changes that Heal, Ch. 1.

I spent a lot of time this morning thinking about how hard it is to share your true self... I haven't met too many people who have given me the impression that they are living out of their true self. Sometimes, it is hard to share your true self because of the fear of exposing yourself... sometimes because of perceived expectations of others, and sometimes it is hard because of REAL expectations of others that you simply can't live up to....  I think it takes a brave, courageous heart, a trusting soul, and a humble and willing spirit to share the person God has made you to be! To clarify, presenting a "false self" does not mean lying intentionally to fool people... it is what we have learned about how to respond to people and their expectations.

I am still in the process of learning how to live out of my true self. It doesn't seem to be a smooth process... it seems like a two steps forward, one step back kind of process... I think it is the hardest when I have actually experienced some success... I can tell that I am struggling less and less with certain aspects of my relationships and my feelings toward myself, but, then, when a hard day hits, it seems like it hits harder than ever... sort of like falling off a hilltop!

I have had a lot of fear in my life, and a lot of fear about sharing my true self because I have gone through some devastating losses and rejection. I am also still learning about the things that I have to share with others. I have struggled with so many fears about being unable to give anything to others... I *feel* untalented, unskilled, and underdeveloped in terms of gifts and abilities. It is so hard sometimes to fight against that feeling and believe what I know must be true because God has given each of His children gifts and abilities, and I am one of His children.

Yesterday, I was reading this passage from 1 Thessalonians--

¹¹ Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.¹² Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. ¹³ Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. ¹⁴ And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. ¹⁵ Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.

Good relational thoughts and ideas in this passage.....I thought about how often we do NOT do this in the Church as a whole... For the most part, the Body of Christ lives out of a "false self" that will often accuse, blame, or chide those who don't seem to play by the rules...  So often, we don't even realize who around us needs encouragement.

Praying that the Lord would open my eyes a bit wider this winter to see those who need a kind word and a little building up... praying that He would help me to know how to use my own gifts and abilities to further His kingdom and encourage His people. Also praying that I will trust Him when I find myself feeling discouraged and disillusioned that He will provide encouragement in the best way for me, and not to look to others to do it.... because often, they just can't...

Broken, but Blessed.....

Under His Wing