Moving Through Darkness Can't Be Rushed....

 

Read this excerpt this morning:

"This passage illustrates an important truth about the growth process. 

It cannot be willed. It can only be enhanced by adding grace, truth, and time, 

and then God produces the growth. If we are depressed, for example, it does no 

good to try to be “undepressed.” It does help, however, to cultivate the soil of 

our soul with the nutrients of grace, truth, and time. Only then will we gradually 

be transformed to greater and greater stages of joy." 

Dr. Henry Cloud, Changes that Heal.

          I chose this specific passage, because it is this excerpt that speaks so much hope and truth to me. Have you ever sensed that you were in the midst of a "growth process" and you wished you could move through it faster... or felt that others around you wanted you to move through it faster? I have had that experience many times, but never was the process more painstakingly slow and difficult than when I experienced severe depression mixed with guilt and grief.

          Being with people would sometimes ease the ache in my heart, which was the most severe loneliness I have ever experienced... and yet, so often, I also felt that being around people was even more painful because I constantly felt that I did not meet their expectations, nor did they meet mine. Did they really expect me to be positive and happy? Did they really want me to be able to acknowledge God in everything that was happening in my life? Did they really think that I could talk about normal, mundane things that didn't matter when I was experiencing the greatest trauma I have encountered, thus far in my life? Did they really think that I only cared about myself, simply because I could not talk about other things going on in the world? The lack of hope was crippling enough... the lack of peace was maddening.... the lack of grace was impossible....

          I love what Dr. Cloud says in this excerpt that "if we are depressed, for example, it does no good to be 'undepressed.'"  Truer words were never spoken. Sometimes, I think, because we do not want to see a person we care about in pain, we ask them to heal faster.... faster than they can.... faster than they want to... and we miss the little steps that are being taken....

          I also realized that there were many people who asked me how I was doing, but did not really want to know... and *I* was expected to discern which was which... if I exposed my dark nature to the wrong person, that was my fault... my indiscretion... I am to only expose myself to someone who is "safe," and that implies that I am supposed to know who is safe, who is not... I am supposed to be "on guard," yet know when to be transparent, vulnerable, in order to build stronger relationships with others...etc.

          It seems to me, that many people do not realize that this function is basically broken during a deep depression. I could not "fake" my emotions and be something I was not, in order to make others around me feel more comfortable. Sometimes, I could not even smile and say I was fine... that was too hard to pretend. On the flip side, being truly transparent about my pain was also very difficult and something I often had to force myself to be able to do when someone actually seemed interested... trust was very difficult, partly because of my experiences, and partly because of my own heart issues. I have struggled to trust anyone, but especially myself. I knew my own heart could not be trusted.

          So, I can't blame people for avoiding me, but I can't say they are guiltless in this.... there are few people who are willing to walk into someone else's darkness and share light with them, but thankfully, the Lord did send a few of these people my way. It made all the difference...

          You see, I wanted the way out... I was groping in the dark and finding my way.... I was always moving towards the light and towards healing... but I couldn't move very fast. I couldn't rush it. The pain of the process was horrendous at times... sometimes because of things people said, or did not say... sometimes because of the accusations my own heart made against me. But, the Lord DID provide certain people with the right amount of grace and truth, in my life, so that slowly.... over time... I did start to come back into the light....

          This book, Changes that Heal,  was a resource God brought into my life at just the right time for me to read it and understand some deeper things about myself that I had never understood before. The timing of coming across this book was amazing.

          Am I healed? Well, honestly, I don't think so... I still have dark days that feel like I've been suddenly thrown into the deepest, darkest pit.... but I am finding that I can come out of the pit much faster and easier than before...they are not so deep anymore! I am healing, slowly, but surely... over .... time..... it can't be rushed... and I believe that God is transforming me into greater and greater stages of joy....

          And He uses me to speak to others who struggle with grief and depression... it has been helpful for me to know that my feelings are actually pretty normal. It has helped me even more to know that I have been able to encourage and give hope to others who are also lost in darkness. I am blessed when I can see how far I have come, and they are blessed to know that they have been validated and encouraged.

          But, I can promise you that no amount of "thinking positive" would ever have gotten me here. No amount of "looking on the bright side" would've gotten me here.... and no, not even thanking God in all circumstances got me here... though, it did often lighten the burden I carried... because, you see... the only thing *I* did was look to the Light, and ask Him to bring me into it. I gave informed consent to the Master Physician to do the heart surgery I needed Him to do... Oh, sure, there was obedience all along, as I learned to take each step towards healing, just as a heart patient has to do certain things to recover... medication, diet, exercise, etc., I had to agree to each treatment and walk it out, but I couldn't actually heal or change my heart unless HE was doing it.

          It wasn't until I stopped trying to heal myself and let Jesus have the job..... let Him be the Healer He is, that HE did the transforming work....but it took time... probably looked at times to others like I wasn't trying at all...  and they were right. :-)

          The good news is that since it wasn't me, I know that whatever work He has done is true and permanent healing... and I know He isn't done yet.... but, oh, how nice it is now..... here in the Light.

Under His Wing

Learning to Live Out the True Self

Have you ever read a book that was life-changing? I have been in the process of changing since I started reading a book called Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. He is a Christian psychologist, and the book deals primarily with relational issues. Everyone has issues that get in the way of forming deeper relationships, and I have plenty myself. In this book, the author helps us to understand what the problem is, what the solution is, what the barriers are to the solutions, and what we can do to move towards growth, healing, and deeper relationship.

This morning, this passage hit me strongly-- "[He] found that when he could be himself in relationship with God and others, healing was possible. Problems occur when the real self, the one God created, is hiding from God and others.

If the true self is in hiding, the false self is the self that is conformed to this world (Rom. 12:2). The false self is the self we present to others, the false front, if you will, that we put up for others to see."

Also, "As long as the lying, false self is the one relating to God, others, and ourselves, then grace and truth cannot heal us. The false self tries to 'heal' us by its own methods; it always finds false solutions, and the real self that God created to grow into his likeness stays hidden and unexposed to grace and truth." Changes that Heal, Ch. 1.

I spent a lot of time this morning thinking about how hard it is to share your true self... I haven't met too many people who have given me the impression that they are living out of their true self. Sometimes, it is hard to share your true self because of the fear of exposing yourself... sometimes because of perceived expectations of others, and sometimes it is hard because of REAL expectations of others that you simply can't live up to....  I think it takes a brave, courageous heart, a trusting soul, and a humble and willing spirit to share the person God has made you to be! To clarify, presenting a "false self" does not mean lying intentionally to fool people... it is what we have learned about how to respond to people and their expectations.

I am still in the process of learning how to live out of my true self. It doesn't seem to be a smooth process... it seems like a two steps forward, one step back kind of process... I think it is the hardest when I have actually experienced some success... I can tell that I am struggling less and less with certain aspects of my relationships and my feelings toward myself, but, then, when a hard day hits, it seems like it hits harder than ever... sort of like falling off a hilltop!

I have had a lot of fear in my life, and a lot of fear about sharing my true self because I have gone through some devastating losses and rejection. I am also still learning about the things that I have to share with others. I have struggled with so many fears about being unable to give anything to others... I *feel* untalented, unskilled, and underdeveloped in terms of gifts and abilities. It is so hard sometimes to fight against that feeling and believe what I know must be true because God has given each of His children gifts and abilities, and I am one of His children.

Yesterday, I was reading this passage from 1 Thessalonians--

¹¹ Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.¹² Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. ¹³ Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. ¹⁴ And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. ¹⁵ Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.

Good relational thoughts and ideas in this passage.....I thought about how often we do NOT do this in the Church as a whole... For the most part, the Body of Christ lives out of a "false self" that will often accuse, blame, or chide those who don't seem to play by the rules...  So often, we don't even realize who around us needs encouragement.

Praying that the Lord would open my eyes a bit wider this winter to see those who need a kind word and a little building up... praying that He would help me to know how to use my own gifts and abilities to further His kingdom and encourage His people. Also praying that I will trust Him when I find myself feeling discouraged and disillusioned that He will provide encouragement in the best way for me, and not to look to others to do it.... because often, they just can't...

Broken, but Blessed.....

Under His Wing

Something to be "pro-choice" about.... Homeschooling... the other Human Right....

Essay time... be patient with me....

You know... whether or not you have chosen to homeschool your child, the main thing about it is that you have had a choice. Sometimes, we feel like we have no choice... oh, maybe it seems impossible to homeschool because of finances or education level or personality issues, or even health issues... I know it *seems* impossible, but there are lots of people who are homeschooling in these same circumstances.

Or maybe you feel like I did when I started... I felt like I had no choice BUT to homeschool, because it was quite obvious that the public school's way of doing things was destroying one of my children. I was scared and wasn't sure I really wanted to homeschool, but didn't feel like I had a choice. It was a long time before I actually could enjoy homeschooling, and I was angry that the schools were so inadequate for our needs.

The feeling of not having a choice goes both ways......

But what it all boils down to is this:  if you want to homeschool in this country, you have a RIGHT to do so, and you have that CHOICE. Now, here is something to be "pro-choice" about.... because even if you are choosing public school or private school right now, and are happy with it..... hopefully you know that something could change in the future, and if it did, you would want the right to choose how your child should be educated....

Imagine a country that said that it knows better than you what your children should learn. Imagine a country that would actually take your children away, simply because you wanted your children to learn about your faith, and also wanted them to learn about academics the way you thought was best for your children. Suppose you wanted to protect them from harmful agenda being taught in the schools.

Now, stop imagining.... because this is for REAL..... this is really happening in Germany and other European countries. Folks... socialism....is the nasty father of the modern public school system.... the ugly grandfather of Common Core and other agenda being taught in public schools everywhere....

This is for real.... read your history... Hitler outlawed homeschooling in Germany... this made it much easier for him to control the youth so they would even turn in their own parents. It made it easier to control the people as a whole, so they couldn't even remember how to stand up for their fellow man as he faced persecution right next to them.

Even if you don't want to homeschool, or don't feel like you need to.... you need to recognize that being able to choose your own children's education is a human right. These are not situations where parents are accused of educational neglect... this is tyranny.... and it is crouching at your very own door....

 

Germany rips children away from homeschooling parents....

The Last Blog Post!?!?

     I have several blog posts that are partially written, yet unfinished.... something keeps me from being able to write anything that has any real meaning or substance.... This morning I woke up thinking about it.... and it seems to me that my writing is uninspiring... I thought about the fact that I receive very little feedback, and I have no idea if anything I ever say, matters.....

     I admit, I do not know how the whole blogging thing works.. I don't know how to put up a fancy page with music and pictures.... and I suppose if I wrote more consistently, that might help. Maybe having a consistent topic would help, too. I really struggle to keep blogging, though without any feedback at all...

     I know many people would say, "Just write for yourself...." but I do.... and maybe that is the point... I do write for myself... and apparently, it is uninspiring....maybe because it is for me, it does not "move" people to comment or respond. There is no dialogue, which is what I desire more than expressing myself.... Right now, it isn't even inspiring to me.

      Thinking deeply this morning.... about why I write... what is it for? What is the point? I believe that the Lord is showing me some things about what writing does to me.... It is an unhealthy picture.

      I had a friend once who told me that sharing things with me was difficult for her. I tend to have a easier time sharing difficult things because it actually helps me to process my hurt or confusion. But, for her, she felt like sharing something deep and private and difficult was like cutting off a limb and handing it to me to see how I handled this great sacrifice. Because of this word picture, when someone reveals something to me that I know was difficult for them, I try to be careful to treat it with this kind of reverence and respect, and I believe it is one reason people tend to share a lot of different, difficult hurts with me.

      This morning, in my early waking, I realized that while I share things much easier than some people, and God has blessed that, for He made me that way, when I write, it is often the same feeling for me.... I write something from deep in my heart, and it is like cutting off  a limb and handing it to the world (or at least to my friends in this world,) and waiting to see how this limb is then handled.

     But this has a negative affect on me when there is no response. I have found that writing emails, FB posts, and even texts that are not replied to has this same effect on me.... this sense that my words-- my limbs-- were just thrown into a trash heap.... which means, of course, that it happens a lot. I allow this constant bruising to my own heart.....

     It's true.... no matter how I try to reason with myself about the myriad reasons for why people do not reply or respond to what I write, I am always hurt by it..... and I keep doing this... I write with this hope that something will inspire or provoke others to respond, but usually, people are not moved.

     This is not healthy... in fact, it is deadly.... it is sin... a form of idolatry... I offer these sacrifices up to the god of approval and affirmation, and, just like idols of stone or wood in the Bible, there is no life in it... Such idols do not lead to life or health, but only to destruction.... that is the road I am on.... as I write for approval and affirmation from others. I am often left with the emptiness that comes from following a dead idol.... I am led to my own destruction.... I am led to the end of myself.

     So, I am left with a bit of a conundrum. On one hand, writing has always been like breathing for me.... it is much easier for me to express what is happening in my heart through writing.... writing allows me to form thoughts about feelings I have that I can't seem to express through my mouth. Losing this form of communication would be very difficult for me. But, now, I am wondering if I need to pull in, withdraw, and keep my words to myself... at least for awhile... The thought of that actually frightens me a bit, which may be the biggest indication that I need to do it. God knows, in my heart, I want my writing to honor Him... that is one of my greatest desires, BUT if my writing has this affect on me--  to look to others instead of to Him.... then how can that really honor Him? If I have this reaction in my heart whenever I write to my friends, how can I honor such friendships? I can't...

     So, signing off here for awhile... not sure how long... need to find focus and direction in Christ and I don't know how long it will take until my heart is freed from this particular idol.... it has been with me a very long time. If He inspires me, I will write again, but I want it to be for Him, not for me.

     For those of you who read this, and who do not like to write, this may not seem like a big deal to you, but I assure you, it is with tears that I write this.... I feel like I am getting ready to hold my breath for an indefinite period of time. :-(

Sing a Song to Me....Sing Me MY Song!

 Taking a short break from my wedding story.... just to add this bit of musing to my blog... it is really a FB status that sort of exploded into a blog post..... ;-)

 
          Sang to my three youngest before bedtime tonight.... when they ask me to sing, they always say, "Sing my song when I was a baby...." I don't really have a different song for each one...but they think I do.

          "Masterpiece" by Sandi Patti was a song I learned before I got pregnant for my first child, so I have sung it to every baby in utero and as new babies. I have sung it to my niece and nephews and many of my friends' babies and even babies I cared for as a pediatric nurse or while babysitting. It is my favorite, I guess.

              My older boys' favorite songs were Disney songs because that is what I sang to them: for Jordan Part of Your World, and for Nathan, "A Whole New World," but then I was saved and my songs changed to hymns and Christian contemporary songs.

           Zach's was "My Life is in Your Hands" because his birth was so evident of that very thing.... Caleb's and Matthew's song is "Little Boy on My Knees" with words changed slightly for each. Sarah's song is "Amazing Grace" (since her middle name is Grace) and Bethany's is "I Have to Believe" by Rita Springer because it was a song that got me through a hard time when she was a baby. And, now Abigail's is "Masterpiece", I guess because for now at least she is forever my baby.... I did sing a lot of "All My Tears" when she was a baby, too.... a good "grieving" song.. .since I was grieving my sister when she was born.....

             I think it is a good sign that even my teen boys and adult sons still like to hear me sing....there was never a time when they said they were embarrassed by it, and even their friends who heard me sing (because I often do not censor myself in the car, LOL) also liked to hear me and told me so.

              But, I feel like there is more strain as I get older....harder to hit the higher notes and make it all sound pretty...... wondering if I should make a recording for them... in case, something happens and I can't sing to them anymore? I, especially would like to have recorded the psalms for which the Lord has given me tunes to sing .... I'm the only one who knows them. Hmmmmmm....... 

               I think of this a lot since watching my video of my sister's song for us on our wedding day.... we have the only video recording of her singing.... she hated to record her voice, even though it was beautiful. She lost her ability to sing almost a year before she lost her life. I think her voice is something her husband and children miss. I know I do. Missing someone's voice is one of the hardest things, I think.....

                So, now I wonder what would be the best way to make a recording?

When a Family is in a Wedding, Part 5

            If you missed part of this blog, click on these links:
When a Family is in a Wedding Part 1
When a Family is in a Wedding Part 2
When a Family is in a Wedding Part 3
When a Family is in a Wedding Part 4

                After the "work" of photography (my, so much harder than we ever remember, isn't it? All that standing and smiling and trying to show your best side and maybe sucking in the gut, etc. ) then it was time to finally relax and have some fun with the reception!

              One of the really great things about Nate and Maria's church is that they recognized the help they needed and they provided it! They helped make the food and set it up and had tables and chairs set up very quickly, complete with a dance floor, right there in the room that was used as the sanctuary just moments before. They even had pretty table decorations!

               I think my favorite part of the reception was when Maria and several of her friends started doing the Macarena.... and then Zach joined them... and then Sarah, Caleb, and Matthew joined them... and yes, even Bethany got in on the fun. I wish I had video and pictures of that, but I don't! I had a blast just watching them (though I did dance to some other songs, of course..... )

                It wasn't until the very end... when most people had left and the church friends were beginning clean up, that I finally sat down to rest. I looked up and watched the entire slideshow that Maria had put together of she and Nathan growing up.

                At first I felt very sentimental watching Nathan "grow up" right before my eyes.... but then, as I was watching Maria "grow up" as well, suddenly, all the emotion of the day hit me at once.... I began to cry and let the tears stream down my face. Maria saw me crying and came to hug me. I told her that I had just watched the slideshow and started crying, even though I had made it through the entire ceremony earlier without crying. As we hugged, I told her, "I prayed for you! I didn't know your name, but I have prayed for you all your life... that is what just hit me... I'm not crying just because of seeing Nathan's pictures, but because of your pictures, too!"

So, we cried together.... a good ending to the very good day! <3

 Let the reception begin!

Caleb

Matthew

         


          Tony got these great shots of Caleb and Matthew before the reception started, I think they enjoyed being dressed up in suits.... just a little bit.

The bridal party sat at a long table at the front of the room.

 The newlyweds first dance as husband and wife.

Mr. and Mrs. Nathan Mull

                 There was a dance for the bride to dance with her father and for the groom to dance with his mother.... Unfortunately, I guess we didn't get pictures of the bride and her father. I am pretty sure I haven't danced with Nathan since he was little enough for me to pick up and dance with. It was nice, though, and we talked quite a bit throughout our dance together.

Married Couples' Dance!

Yes, there was a "married couples" dance, so I guess that means us!

51 Years!

        They asked for people to only remain on the dance floor if they had been married for over 45 yrs.... only one couple was left! My in-laws, Tony's parents were celebrating their own wedding anniversary the next day-- 51yrs! So, Nate and Maria honored them during the married couples' dance.

The Dollar Dance!

Bethany dancing with Nathan

Matthew dancing with Maria

I had to pay out quite a bit of money to ensure every one of my younger kids got to dance with Nathan and Maria! :-)

Abigail got shy at the last moment....
 so of course, I just danced with 
Maria while holding her. :-)

Nathan is dancing with his new mother-in-law

  Zachary, Sarah, Ellie, and Caleb all got turns to dance as well.....   

 

Nathan and his cousins: Jaden, Gabriel, and Eliana. We were so glad they were able to come to the wedding --- all the way from the top of the state of Indiana to the bottom.... a long drive, for sure.....

Tony got to dance with two daughters at the same time! 
Apparently, neither wanted to share their daddy!

More Traditional Reception Festivities:

The garter

  
 I actually missed most of these festivities. I must've been talking to someone or something because it was at the very last moment when I noticed they were cutting the cake. Oh, well, thankfully, my boys did get some pictures for me! :-)

The cake cutting.... harder than it looks....

I think they are concentrating very hard to get this. ;-)

Pretty flowers on the cake!

Apparently they had a toast together... I missed this, too.

Bethany and Maria

                 All in all, it was a very beautiful day (though, the weather was a bit rainy and overcast.) We were all very happy and relieved that it went so well. I was very impressed with the level of organization that Maria had with the whole thing! Considering that they were just engaged in January, and both Nate and Maria were in school and working while planning this wedding, they really did a wonderful job.We are very glad to have Maria as a new "daughter" and my children are very happy to have her as a new "sister." She fits right in. :-)


 *Disclaimer: if the spacing or order of the pictures seems odd, it is not because I didn't try to get it just right..... ugh.... blogger doesn't let me put the pictures where I want them to be and often rearranges the pictures because the edit page is wider than the true page Ugh........ :-(

When a Family is in a Wedding Part 4

Well, the wedding was over, but wedding fun continued! If you missed part 1, 2, or 3 of this blog, click on these links: When a Family is in a Wedding Part 1  When a Family is in a Wedding Part 2,  When a Family is in a Wedding, Part 3. Yes, this is becoming a long blog series... LOL...but, I'm putting in lots of pictures, so actually less writing, but I like to have all the bases covered... this is for posterity. ;-)


         Since it was raining we blew bubbles on the bride and groom as they walked through the fellowship area of their church. When they got to the door, the turned around and headed back to sanctuary for pictures. My children were already asking me about changing their clothes, so I had to keep telling them to wait. We got several pictures taken when it dawned on me that I really should've thought more about this ahead of time. Maria asked me if there were any poses I wanted done, and I couldn't think of hardly anything at first. Next time I have a kid get married, I think I will be more serious about this aspect. Having a list made ahead of time, given to the bride to go over with her own ideas and the photographer would've been a smoother course for the day.... It just never occurred to me before that moment. LOL!

We got a few snapshots, but haven't seen the photographer's pictures yet!

Younger kids waited very patiently for their pictures......

It was so much fun to see how my children responded to the wedding activities. They were all such great troupers!

                                                            

The bridal party

 

Parents and grandparents

 Nathan and Maria were blessed to have three grandmothers and two grandfathers present at their wedding. This picture includes all of them plus the parents, however, this particular angle doesn't show my mom or Maria's dad very well at all.

One of my favorite pictures... my five sons! I think Nate is quite serious here, but since his brothers are looking goofy, his look works very well in this shot. LOL!

Here is the actual shot of my boys! I'm biased, but I do think they are all quite handsome.

Hard to believe I gave birth to every single one!

 The one thing I knew I wanted pictures of was Nathan with his brothers. I actually thought of a couple other poses I would've liked if I had just thought of it sooner... oh, well...next time!



Now that Nathan lives so far away, I don't often get to see all of my kids all together at one time. So, of course, the first picture I thought of when asked what poses I wanted, was to have a picture of my children all together. Just look at them! How could I not be proud of such a beautiful family! Call me blessed, because I am... they are just as beautiful on the inside!

See how well Maria fits in?!? She looks like one of my kids, doesn't she!?! Well, she is one of mine now. :-)

On to the reception, next! 

When a Family is in a Wedding Part 5 (the Reception)

When a Family is in a Wedding..... Part 3

If you missed the first two parts of this story, you can go here:
 When a Family is in a Wedding Part 1
or here: When a Family is in a Wedding Part 2

Nathan stands at the front of  the church

So, the moment has arrived.... our son was standing at the front of the church, and down the aisle came the bridesmaids and groomsmen, of which, two were my sons.

Jordan 

 Then came the two ringbearers, again my children.... and then the flowergirls....yep, mine... LOL!  I was worried about how Abigail, 4, would do. She can be a wildcard in a scene like this. She is only a little shy, but she is four and somewhat unreasonable if she doesn't want to do something.

Thankfully, she did come down the aisle without tears. She did not throw any petals at all, just barreled down the aisle, but overall, I thought she did well. Bethany, who is my "flowergirl" everyday, all the time, was completely into her role and scattered enough flower petals for both of them. I was very proud of every single one of my kids. Now, it was time to stand!!!

Jordan and Zach

 

  

 

Matt and Sarah-- Bethany and Abigail

    

The Bride had arrived!
    

Maria and her father.....

 I will admit, I did not feel particularly emotional when I saw my son standing at the front, but when I saw him take Maria's hand from her father's, I did tear up a bit then. It was just a great moment to see him looking so grown up! I kept thinking of him as a child and what a great delight he was. It was a bittersweet moment.... mostly sweet, but I sure do miss that little boy! And, of course, Maria looked beautiful in her wedding dress and veil! They looked so very happy together!

I think my most favorite part of the entire ceremony was when they went forward to light their "unity candle." This was a variation I had never seen before. The pastor stepped forward, in front of them and explained that he was going to relate a message that they had asked him to share about the Gospel, while they stood in front of the candle, behind him quietly praying for each other in a private moment. It was truly a touching scene, and I particularly loved watching Nathan pray for his wife.

 A very sweet moment for this momma's heart. ♥

Exchanging vows......

We had to blow bubbles on the bride and groom inside the building, instead of outside due to some light rain that day. Bethany, in this picture, was ready to blow her bubbles... She and her sisters helped to hand out the little bottles as people came out of the ceremony. Once they walked through, they had to turn back around and go back to the sanctuary for pictures, and then it was time to set up for the reception which would be in the same room.

Nate and Maria had a lot of great help from their church who seemed to take care of everything! They even had one friend, Alice, who acted as "wedding coordinator" and she did a really great job of helping Maria by making sure things ran smoothly. We are so thankful for the great church family Nate and Maria have found at Catalyst Church, and very thankful for the friends and family who were able to come to the wedding to share in celebrating their day.

♥ Mr. & Mrs. Nathan Mull ♥

End of Part Three........

Continue with more of the story with: When a Family is in a Wedding, Part 4


Under His Wing.....

                                

When a Family is in a Wedding... Part 2

For the first part of this story, be sure to check out  my previous blog: When a Family is in a Wedding..... Part 1

Most of the kids slept well, having spent the last of their energy splashing in a pool. Even I was able to go to sleep a little earlier than usual, however in the middle of the night, Sarah, who had been recovering from a cold earlier in the week began the "coughing phase" in the middle of the night.... poor girl! She was coughing pretty hard for awhile. I got out my bottle of peppermint oil, and the trick of smelling it seemed to help. Neither of us slept very well after that point, but we had to get up very early. I was able to get up and dressed for breakfast, and told the kids to wear the clothes they had traveled in the day before. (With all the planning and packing, I didn't think about needing an outfit to go out of our room for breakfast!)

A little bleary-eyed, we all traipsed down to the restaurant area and had our free complimentary breakfast... the kids were particularly excited to see sugar-coated cereal available, but I made all of them also have some scrambled eggs and protein as well. I asked Tony to call the older boys and to tell them to come down to eat, because I knew they'd think of skipping and today was NOT a day to skip breakfast. Concerned about keeping my own blood sugar level stable, when we left the day before, I made my green smoothie as usual, but then made a second one that was not foamy (left out the gelatin capsule) so it would fit in my thermos.... I carried the thermos down to the restaurant with me, and drank this while also eating eggs and bacon, so I probably had more protein than necessary, but I will say, it carried me through most of the rest of the day.

The view of the back of Sarah's hair when I finished it.

The one concern about taking the time to eat breakfast was that I knew I was going to be pushing it to get hair done before the wedding.... As soon as we got back into the room, I made sure to get my own hair done so I wouldn't have to rush last minute to take care of myself.

I, then, set up our "hair area" so I could quickly work on each of the girls' hair. I will say, working on hair in drama helped with this immensely. I only had one "hair rehearsal" earlier in the week, and knew from that that I really needed 2 hours, but really only had about 1 1/2 hours available, plus I knew I needed to make some changes from what I had done before. Thankfully, my 4yr. old's hair was pretty easy, just a matter of some sponge curlers, so got that set right away.... then, spent quite a bit of time curling Bethany's hair which refuses to be coaxed into a curl. Even with hair product and a curling iron, her curls still managed to start slipping out even before the wedding. I finished up with Sarah's hair, which in some ways was very easy, but I had to make the most changes with hers, and there was still a lot of curling.

Aren't they pretty? If only my foot were just a little longer....

All three ended up very lovely, however, I now had 10 minutes max to get myself dressed and ready to go... Oh, this scenario is all too familiar. I managed to get dressed and get my make up on very quickly, but found out immediately that my SHOES, which were a half size too long.... were really, really too long when I put my hose on... I couldn't walk in them!!!! I kept stepping out of them!!! I had to pick them up and run down the hallway to where the van was parked. This was not good, but no time left to find a solution! 




As I finally got into the van (did I mention it was raining?) and Tony started the 20 minute drive to the church, I began to receive texts from each of my sons, and my son, Nathan, the groom, actually called and asked me where I was....

"Mom, where are you....?"

"We are just now leaving the motel...."

"Mom, the line up is in 5 minutes!!!"

"Nate, did I ever tell you that I was late to my own wedding...." <laughing a little here...pathetic attempt to lighten the moment.....though, it is true, I really was late..... >

"Mom! This isn't your wedding!!! This is mine!"

"Well, I can't change where we are or make us get there any faster. It will be ok. Delays happen all the time, and this will just be a short delay."

"Mom! You were supposed to be here!"

<Sigh> This was really the only time I felt emotional until much later.... I knew that in the end, my delay wouldn't matter much at all, but a momma can feel her child's anxiety as if it is in her very own soul, and I could feel his. It was definitely not my goal to stress out my son on his wedding day!!!!

Perhaps I should've ironed?

When we got there, the kids and I (after removing my shoes again) ran to the back rooms, and we helped the girls change into their  dresses. Matt already had his suit on, and only needed his bow tie and jacket. Grabbing the pillows and baskets, the kids got into the line up and then I shuffled my way to the front of the lineup, yep.... in first position... I had to start off the whole thing... LOL... Thankfully, I could do the "stutter step" -- the take a step, pause, take a step, pause-- that is often done for wedding processions.... in fact, it was easier to walk in my shoes if I just did that all the time! LOL.... At the last minute, I stuffed some paper towels in my shoes so they were less likely to fall right off my feet as I went down the aisle. Caleb, my 15yo son, was my escort, and we thankfully never had any trouble with the "stutter step." We agreed that his Civil Air Patrol marching drills and my marching band training had come in handy.

The tricky part came when I got to the step to the altar area. I had to wait for Maria's mom, and then we both were to go up the step... the night before, with my regular shoes, I caught my sandal on a piece of carpeting on this step and tripped on it and flipped the carpet up! Thankfully, I didn't actually fall and hurt myself... LOL! Bounding up the step in these shoes was at least as tricky, even if I didn't trip this time!

Notice that as I am lighting mine, the other candle is already lit...

Of course, I attempted to look suave and graceful as  I carefully walked up to the candles that Maria's mother and I were to light. I was surprised to see lighters there, instead of little candles with long wicks... OK...I can do this, right? Well, someone can operate that lighter, I am quite sure, but I was not that person! I could not figure out how to start it at all.... childproofed, I'm sure.... and in my case, mom-proofed! At the time, all I could think about is how everyone was stressing the night before at the rehearsal that we were supposed to light our candles AT THE SAME TIME....I almost felt a bit of panic go through me! Once again, I am messing up the timing here......but, then, I started giggling a little, and Maria's mom shared with me her lighter, as she waited patiently, so I could do my job.

Oh, what a confidence building moment all of this was..... NOT! LOL! But, I had a good chuckle over it and managed to get down the step to my chair without tripping or falling, so in my mind, that was SUCCESS!

End of Part 2

To read Part 3, go to When a Family is in a Wedding .... Part 3


Under His Wing.......