Things That Happen in the Night!!!!

         I am a little embarrassed to say this... but after taking three weeks for my back to finally heal enough that I felt I could move around and get things done, I managed to fall on some steps and break my foot! No kidding!!! I was walking down our stairs and missed the last step while I was looking down at my phone to see a text that went off. I didn't even read it, just looked at it, and suddenly fell, landing on my left foot which twisted under me.

          My son was sitting at the computer nearby, and he rushed over to me to see what help I needed. I scared him to death, because even though I didn't hit my head, after I fell, the pain in my foot was so excruciating, I put my head down on the ceramic tile and sort of dug into the floor. I said, "My head is ok. My head is ok... ankle.... ankle...." As my husband came out to see what happened, I explained likewise and called for one of them to grab an ice pack to put on my ankle. All this time I was still lying face-down on the tile because I didn't feel I had the strength to endure sitting up.

           After the foot was iced awhile, I finally pushed myself up to a seated position and then started to chill vigorously. I asked for a blanket, and pointed out that I was in a shocky state, which I knew, didn't bode well for my foot. I wouldn't let anyone move me for quite awhile. I took some ibuprofen and sat there at the bottom of the stairs with my back leaning against the front door . Another son came out and had missed all the commotion. He asked me why I was sitting on the floor as if I sat there all the time, and I filled him in. He said, "Seriously, Mom?" Oh, yes... quite seriously.....

          I struggled quite a bit with making the decision to go to the ER. My husband assures me that he had no other intention, but to take me there..... When I am making the decision for someone else, sometimes I will forego the ER, take a wait and see attitude, and usually I am right in doing so and able to care for the injured myself. Not this time! I honestly think I knew from the beginning that it was broken, but I wasn't positive. I had never had a sprain, so I didn't have anything to compare with. When I was younger, though, I broke two of my fingers at the knuckle, and I thought this felt very similar. At that point, too, I thought it was in the ankle joint, and I was worried about having a break that could later limit my mobility if it didn't heal right. I decided that an x-ray would be the only thing to help me have peace of mind about it, and I reasoned that I wasn't even sure I could wrap it correctly if it was a sprain. A late night ER trip made sense.....

           I'm not sure how long I sat before finally asking my son and my husband to help me up. I definitely could not bear any weight and taking the ice off gave an immediate throbbing effect. I sat in a chair and tried to focus and breathe through the pain. My son got his old crutches out of the attic for me to use, but it was much more difficult than I imagined. Still, I have no idea how I would've gotten to our van if I hadn't had them.

          When we got to the ER, it had been one full hour since I fell. I was fortunate in that I wore my extra firm support hose when this happened, and I didn't remove the stocking as I knew it would compress and keep swelling down. I think this made a huge difference for me, as I had much less swelling than would be expected for a break. I was thankful that I had these stockings and not any others because I don't think the others would have worked as well. And, I only had these stockings because I got 8 loads of laundry done  on the two days that I was feeling back to normal and able to do it.

           It would be another two hours before the doctor came to talk to me, and another hour from then before the results of an x-ray showed a fracture. And, not just any fracture, but he said it has a name.... a "Jones fracture." A lengthwise crack of the 5th metatarsal. So, finally, I was outfitted with a lovely large black boot and a new pair of crutches adjusted just for me.

          We headed home and, of course, the wind and snow began to pick up. After we got home, my husband who had done such a great job of helping me and supporting me throughout this situation slipped on a patch of ice and fell, hitting his nose and lip on the pavement. He was already dealing with sinus issues and a runny nose due to a virus we had go through our family, so was already feeling miserable. In fact, when I fell, he had just gone to bed.... so, I was horrified that he now had to deal with a bloody nose! But, as unsympathetically as anyone ever could be... I laughed hysterically... I just couldn't believe it! What a pair we made!

           He helped me get into the house, which was no small feat. In fact, I was quite stymied on how to get up the one step on our porch. I had to stand there for quite awhile thinking about how to position the crutches the right way to keep from putting any weight on my left foot while catapulting my right foot up the one step. I realized right then that I had no idea how I would ever get to the second level of our house. My husband said I wouldn't and that I had to sleep in the (uncomfortable) recliner in our family room. (sigh)

          I went straight to the bathroom, and in my desire to balance myself, I leaned heavily upon the plastic towel bar, which immediately broke in half under my full weight, causing me to fall onto the dryer. I was trying to balance myself and deal with the pain of that situation when he asked me, "Did you mean to do that?" LOL! Yes.... yes,... I meant to break in half the towel bar  that was holding me up! He then offered, "I think the windowsill would work better." I recalled a comedy routine by Tim Hawkins and then said to him, "Good advice-- too late." LOL!

           So, after I was situated in the recliner, I then told Tony I was trying to figure out how to make myself something to eat. He told me to sit and he made me and egg and toast. I was SO hungry.... I don't know if it is the fact I was injured or burning more calories trying to use crutches or what, but I felt like I was starving, so it was quite good. He went to bed and it took me another half hour to fall asleep.

          I slept only 2 hours and realized this morning, the enormity of what I have done... as difficult as it was to move when my back was out... now, I not only had difficulty moving, but I can't carry anything while I am trying to do so. I can't go upstairs... at least not yet.... and trying to get to the bathroom was way more challenging than I like to admit. I knew I couldn't go back to sleep, so here I am writing about my experience so I can process it. Yes, this post was more for me than anyone else, so if you actually read it, thank you for any prayers and support! I am going to need it!

          My children have been waking up, one by one, coming down to discover what happened after they had gone to sleep. They haven't understood, yet, the full impact of what has happened or what extra work it will mean for them. They do have some idea, I guess, due to my 3 weeks with back pain, but right now, they are caught up with the novelty of my situation and my new "stuff"! Each one has made a little comment here and there about my foot. One said that she had always wanted to see a big boot like mine. My youngest son said, "I bet I'll be the next one to break my foot!" My 3yo was just scared and it took a bit for her to come over to me. She was awake when I fell and saw me lying on the floor. I had to reassure her that Mommy was ok. And, my oldest daughter said, "Hmmmm...... the things that happen in the night!" LOL!

          Indeed!

Under His Wing......

Continuing to Heal.....

         Today, I did not have any back pain, really.... at all.... I had a little pain in my hip if I sat certain ways, but I had full mobility for the first time since I hurt my back January 8. I was very excited to sleep in my bed last night for the first time (though, that did hurt my hip some) and I was able to do some regular housework... I think I have washed six loads of laundry since last night, and I even cleaned a toilet today! Never thought I'd be glad to be able to do that!

          However, even so, I haven't gotten a lot done today, and it was disappointing. I have been dragging all day long....I even took two naps!!! I actually slept fairly well last night, so I couldn't figure out why I am so sleepy.... it wasn't until this evening when it dawned on me that I have been sitting in a recliner for three full weeks.... perhaps I'm so out of shape that even normal activity is exhausting? Ugh. Perhaps I need to pace myself better? Ugh. Lots to do and I feel so wiped out. Surely this will get better.... looks like I need to learn more patience.... first I needed it to heal, now I need it to gain back my strength....

Continuing to heal.....

Under His Wing....

Emotional Healing.... When It Comes.....

     Today was a rough day.... This morning, it was obvious I had more swelling in my back... the pain was pretty bad, but I just stayed in my recliner all morning.... I was more concerned that besides my back hurting, my neck was now messed up as well.

     Finally, in the afternoon, I made myself go downstairs and I only sat on the hard, wooden dining room chair long enough to check my email and send one quick message. When I tried to stand, I could barely do so, and it was excruciating. I thought my legs were going to go out from under me, and it scared me. I managed to stay upright and once I started walking, I could manage the pain better. I had to be very careful climbing the stairs to go back to my recliner that I knew was the only place I could sit and be relatively comfortable.

     It became obvious as I sat down that something had changed.... I was in very intense pain... now, I wasn't even sure I could get back out of my chair to get back downstairs if I needed to leave. I did think of the ice at this point. I am thankful to say that by the time I was able to get a hold of my chiropractor, I had iced my back for over 40 min. and I was finding the ability to stand painful, but not impossible.

     The chiropractor worked a very long time on me, much longer than usual. I was very touched by her patience and gentleness. She didn't even make me move my head myself, but gently lifted and turned it for me. She did not have to be convinced at all that I was in pain, and I even sensed that she was hurting with me in some way. At one point, she had me bend my knees while lying on my back.... well, in reality, she had to bend my knees for me.... and I had to have her stop halfway, let me breathe through painful spasms, and then let her move the legs again.... She was patient with me as I screamed out in pain when I had to cough and a violent spasm in my lower back took hold.

     While we waited for my back to calm down, she said, "I want to pray for you." I cannot tell you how blessed I was to have her invite the Healer into that moment. Tears sprang to my eyes as Peace washed over me.... yes, I was still in pain....even when I left the office.... but I felt I could trust the Lord again for the next day.

     I told my chiropractor that I was fighting against the fear that this was going to be how it is the rest of my life. She did not agree. She said that each time she had worked on my back, I made good progress, but then, each time, I encountered something that brought me back into that pain scenario. She reasoned that probably if I hadn't caught the virus I had, I probably wouldn't have had this setback at all.

     As she made little manipulations that caused my muscles to relax and cause things to come into alignment, I was thinking about how similar this is to my own emotional healing as well. The truth is, I had a very great trauma occur to my emotional health a few years ago, and though I am always working to try to recover, it seems like every now and then, I will encounter a situation that pulls at those wounds... opens them up again. It often feels like I will never recover, even though, if I look back, I can see that I have made remarkable progress....

     Sometimes, I think I just recover way too slow... but then I think, I can only recover as fast as I can recover....I am glad that I didn't know when I hurt my back a few weeks ago that it would take so long to recover.... usually, I recover within one or two appointments.... If I had known then how long it would take, I think I would've had a very difficult time coping....and when it comes to my emotions, I guess I feel the same way..... I can only recover as fast as I can recover.... I hope it won't take years and years, but it might... it is probably best that I don't know.

     And, then there is the effect on others.... my family has definitely been affected by my back pain. I haven't been able to do hardly anything. I think if they just look around, they can see by the catastrophe that has become our household that I do a lot more than what they realize. My poor husband has had to bear the brunt of this situation, making supper and helping the kids when they were sick and doing a load of laundry here and there. My back pain isn't just my back pain... it hurts others, too.....

     And so it is with my emotions..... family and friends all get caught in the torrent of emotion when I get lost in the recurring, intrusive thoughts and painful memories..... how will I ever be able to recover enough that I don't hurt others in the process? Can I trust the Lord with His grace that it is enough to cover over my own sinfulness and mistakes? I have to.... it is my only Hope. Whether others can extend grace to me in those moments or not, I know I can trust in His grace. He reminds me of how far I have already come..... and that He will not abandon me. I face another day in this process knowing that I won't walk it out perfectly, but trusting that He will work everything for my good and for the good of others.

      I wonder what it would feel like to be totally healed? Would I recognize it right away? When my back feels better after being in pain, I am always amazed at how very quickly I forget the pain. I start moving about and suddenly it dawns on me, "Hey, that didn't hurt!" I wonder if it will be like that with the emotional healing when it comes.... will I just notice, one day, "Hey, that doesn't hurt?" I am anxious to find out.

Waiting patiently........

Under His Wing

What do Human Trafficking, the War on Women, and Les Miserables Have in Common?

          Having a little extra time for reading today, after seeing my chiropractor yet again, I decided to read some more of Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. When I started, I was concerned I'd never get through it. It is 5 volumes with several books in each volume and several chapters for each book. I am in the first volume still, and in the 7th book (out of 8.) I have read over 45 chapters, but my Kindle says that I have only covered 15% of the total book. The book was written in the mid-1800's, so I was worried that I wouldn't understand it, but for the most part it has been an engaging story and a good read. I think it helps that I have seen a couple movie versions, including the musical.

          I came across a passage tonight that struck a chord. Last winter, through various circumstances, the Lord burdened my heart for those who have been trapped in the travesty of human trafficking. Besides learning about this sad situation that exists globally and affects millions of young women and even young men, I learned just how extensive the problem is. Every country is affected, including the United States. We have people in this country right now who are SLAVES. And, to further churn our stomachs, the average age of a girl entering this lifestyle is only 13yo!!!! That's an AVERAGE... meaning some are much younger.....

          Many would look at people in such a situation and maybe think that it is a life that they have chosen, but for many... maybe most... maybe even all.... that is not true.... they are trapped and need to be rescued.... ransomed....

          In Les Miserables, two characters demonstrate this very need. Fantine is trapped into doing things she does not want to do, but must in order to protect her child. But, it is Jean Valjean, once offered grace himself, who now lives as Monsieur Le Maire (the mayor of the village) who not only rescues Fantine, but ransoms her and her child. It is a very touching scene.... much moreso in the book than in the movie or musical.

          There is this introduction into one of the chapters that explores and exposes the plight of Fantine and others like her:

               "What is this history of Fantine? It is a society purchasing a slave.

                 From whom? From misery.

                 

                  From hunger, cold, isolation, destitution. A dolorous bargain. A soul for a morsel of bread. Misery offers: society accepts. 

                   The sacred law of Jesus Christ governs our civilization, but it does not as yet permeate it; it is said that slavery has disappeared from Europe civilization. This is a mistake. It still exists; but it weighs only upon the woman, and it is called prostitution.

                    It weighs upon the woman, that is to say, upon grace, weakness, beauty, maternity. This is not one of the least of man's disgraces. 

                     She has become marble in becoming mire. Whoever touches her feels cold. She passes; she endures you; she ignores you ; she is the severe and dishonored figure. Life and the social order have said their last word for her. All has happened to her that will happen to her. She has felt everything, bourne everything, experienced everything, suffered everything, lost everything, mourned everything. She is resigned, with that resignation which resembles indifference as death resembles sleep. She no longer avoids anything. Let all the clouds fall upon her, and all the ocean sweep over her! What matters it to her? She is a sponge that is soaked.

                  At least, she believes it to be so; but it is an error to imagine that fate can  be exhausted, and that one has reached the bottom of anything whatever. 

                    Alas! What are all these fates, driven on pell-mell? Whither are they going? Why are they thus? He who knows that sees the whole of the shadow. 

                        He is alone. His name is God." -- Les Miserables, Victor Hugo

          That passage was written after the American Civil War, and was published in 1887. Yet, now we have more slaves in this modern time than ever before.... world-wide.... What would Victor Hugo think if he knew? Could he have imagined?

          "This is not one of the least of man's disgraces." 

          You will pardon me if I need to say that Christian hearts must be stirred into action. It is hard to know what to do, isn't it? Even I am not sure.... .but if we don't know what to do, we must at least support those who do.

           Here is where it starts, though-- if we, Christians, don't value human lives, humanity has little hope. What does that mean? All the woes of this world can be linked to the de-valuing of human life.

          You don't steal from human beings if you understand their worth (and even your own.) You don't sell drugs to them. You don't abort them. You don't commit all forms of homicide. You don't go to war against them. You don't abuse them and you don't sell them.

            There is a true war on women, but it isn't against women's choices for her body, as liberal media would like us to believe ...... Ask a woman who has aborted, most often she will say she felt that she had no choice. Ask someone in the sex trade, and likely she will not have any idea that a choice even exists. And, of course, you can't even ask a child who has been aborted what he or she thinks of that.

            The leading cause of death and injury to women, children, and, in reality, *everyone* --- is the de-valuing of human life! 

            If you grasp that we are all made in God's image, and if you have been ransomed and loved by the Savior, grasp this concept and share it with others!   End the de-valuing of human life!

            And, if you can rescue someone... ransom them from horrible circumstances.... or support someone else who can.... please do not delay! Humanity depends upon it!

Under His Wing.....

Not So Fast.....

     Well, I was getting better.... but this morning, my back pain returned. :-(

     I don't have to tell you how disappointed I felt about that! I don't know if it is because sleeping is very painful still?  I tried to sleep one night in my bed, but last night in the recliner.... I'm not sure what is causing the painful spasms to begin with, so I don't know how to prevent them. Needless to say, I am feeling a little discouraged tonight.

      I hope I can learn how to persevere through this.... it isn't that the pain is so bad.... it really isn't nearly as bad as before.... but there is something about "chronic pain" that is just so much harder to deal with... especially if you are not sure if it is going to go away in a few days.... or weeks... or ever.....

     One thing I have learned from experience (not just my own experience, but from others, too) God always has something for us to learn from suffering of any kind. I know that there are some who would gasp and say, "God would never want us to suffer," but I disagree... only because I've seen the spiritual beauty that can come from physical suffering.... I don't think that sort of thing happens on accident. ;-)

Leaning in tonight... remembering, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13


Under His Wing..... 

Better today......

     Thankfully, after two visits to the chiropractor, lots of ice, and lots of rest, I am finally not feeling much pain at all.... I still have to move slowly, but I am quite relieved from the excruciating pain I was experiencing just a couple days ago. I am already starting to take small movements for granted! I started a crochet project today, and I could tell by the strain in my arms and shoulders that I wouldn't have been able to crochet even yesterday, let along those days preceding. Amazing how quickly, we can forget such acute pain! It is almost like the way one forgets the pain of childbirth afterwards.... unless you have been through childbirth enough times. ;-)

     I was surprised how exhausted I was today. I actually slept well.... slept the soundest I have slept in several nights. I think that my body has needed to recover from the sheer exhaustion of holding itself together to hold off pain. I napped all afternoon, and I still feel tired.

     I was so thankful to be able to go to church this morning.... I found that I could even stand during some of the praise & worship if I kept swaying back and forth. Standing completely still promotes pain. But, the only real pain I had at church was when I had to sit down.... and then get up again.... but, even though I was doing so well, I decided I should go forward for prayer. The person who prayed for my back asked for complete and rapid healing, and I think I may be getting that... I sure hope so. I do feel so much better tonight. Just in time, too, as we will be starting school tomorrow. I'm not sure if I am completely prepared... surely my home is NOT... LOL... I will have lots to catch up on in the laundry room for sure!

     So thankful that this episode is winding down. I've had lots of time to reflect. I've listened to lots of podcasts (learned how to do that during this time..... found some preaching to listen to!) and I feel like I am in a good place to start my "New Year."

Under His Wing........

Self-Pity Rant.... or How to Deal with Acute Pain...

     Well, I usually try to write something more thought-provoking, however, tonight, I am more into a self-pity mode than anything else... trying to work myself out of it, but ugh.... sometimes it is just hard.... Yesterday, I threw my back out and I am IN PAIN... I went to the chiropractor today, so I am better than I was this morning. I told her that after I made the appointment, I wondered if I was just wimping out, but she said, "NO... you needed to be here...." I was actually joking a bit, as it would've been pretty obvious if anyone had seen me trying to get myself out of my van!

      My chiropractor had to work a long time, as she said herself she had never seen me this bad before... and I have been going to her for 12 yrs. now.  I don't think I've ever been like this before. The weird thing is, I didn't do anything to cause it.... just woke up this way!

      When she first tried to have me get up off her table, I couldn't move... LOL... I can tell you that there is nothing more embarrassing or humbling than to be so dependent and helpless... literally flat on your back and unable to get up.... sort of like a turtle that's been turned over.... I laughed and made a joke, telling her, "It takes a lot of humor to have the right amount of humility to get through this....." LOL!

      After she worked on me some more, I was finally able to sit up with great pain. I still had to walk very slow, but I could walk a little straighter and turn better to look when driving.... She told me to ice my back, so I've been sitting here, driving myself nuts with all that I need to do, but unable to do much nor really concentrate. Thankfully, I did get some housework done yesterday before throwing out my back, but there are lots of things I could be doing that I am not getting done. If I move as much as 2in. in any direction, there is quite a shot of pain! I've been through some pretty severe back pain in the past, but this takes the cake!

      Anyway, God has been giving me great grace throughout these past two days, but I am afraid I am not grateful enough... it is just hard to suffer, you know... and I know that my suffering is minor compared to what many go through. It makes me think of those who truly suffer, not from a short-term condition, but from chronic agonizing pain. I hope this experience helps me to always remember to reach out to those in such pain. I hope it makes me stronger, but more compassionate.

     One good thing that has come from this, I love watching my kids try to take care of me... they even fought over who got to rub my back! (Of course, that might've been because of the reward of chocolate I was offering! LOL!) But, this morning, my oldest daughter had to help me put on my socks and shoes, as I couldn't do this for myself. I thought about that time coming when I am much older and will need such assistance. I thought about what a great practice this might be for them to learn how to love and care for others. What a blessing to have such capable daughters..... and only 11, 6, and 3yo! It humbles me greatly to think of it. And, though my sons did not help with such things, they did take care of some of the housework for me and were willing to reach for things that I could not. How do people get through such pain and difficulty without family? I am a very blessed woman.... and there you see... I am working myself out of my self-pity.... :-)

      Have you ever had a time in your life when you watched your children rise up and care for you? Please let me know in the comment section.... I love good stories, and I have nothing to do but to read them. :-)


Under His Wing.......

Thirsty Hearts!

      After seeing the movie, "Les Miserables," listening to the soundtrack over and over, and now reading the book, I have been reflecting a lot on how the message of God's grace comes through this classic story. On one hand, there is Javert singing his distorted view of God and justice.... believing that a man can never change, as he told Jean Valjean over and over. Why? Because he found it impossible for he, himself, to change. His heart was blocked off from God's mercy. His legalistic view of God prevented his own heart from experiencing life-giving change and that was reflected in his dealings with others, including Jean Valjean, and even in his own destiny. 

     On the other hand, Jean Valjean, a lowly convict, changes behavior, changes names, changes lives--his own and others-- and becomes not only a well-respected man who is loved by others, but also a man who is given to generosity and self-sacrifice. This all began with giving his heart to the Lord, because ONE person believed in him and touched his heart for God. It is such a wonderful story and gives me hope that my own heart will continue to experience life-giving change. It is so easy for me, at times, to be like Javert...focused on those things that haven't changed. I want to keep my heart open to God's mercy.

      I wrote a song once for a friend (she doesn't know it was a song... she only knows of it as a poem....) The subject of the poem originally was my own heart, but it can be the heart of anyone who thirsts after the Living Water of Jesus Christ. The phrases within it are actually phrases that many of my friends spoke to me when I was going through a very difficult trial. 

     I sing it frequently when I am needing encouragement to remember how God is working in my heart-- what He has already changed in me, and what He IS changing in me .....



Living Water by Jennifer Mull

A desert land.... a barren place....
Cold and dark.... cracked and dry...
Thirsts for life.... thirsts for truth....
Longs for love.... hear the cry! 
(repeat x1 when sung)


Come to the Well! Take a sip! 
Drink in deep, Precious Daughter! 
Come to the Well! You are loved! 
Healing is here.... in Living Water....
In Living Water..... 

A changed life! Bearing fruit....
Living fully, bold and true....
Hope and healing...
Restoration....
Living Water flows through you! 


Come to the Well! Take a sip! 
Drink in deep, Precious Daughter! 
Come to the Well! You are loved! 
Healing is here.... in Living Water....
In Living Water..... 

Oh, Blessed Day! :-)

     Today, I got to have another one of those experiences that showed me once again that God is quite interested in me and His purposes for me.

     When I got to church, I noticed immediately that the praise and worship music spoke to my heart. Every song talked about the Presence of God and/or Heaven. These were all songs that I needed to hear this morning.

     "Jesus Your presence is Heaven to me...." sang one song....

     "Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere...." sang another....

     He loves to show me that He is paying attention to the things that weigh heaviest on my heart, and earlier in the morning, it was this very thing... thinking about Heaven.... thinking about being with Him, that I was focused on this morning. Wondering... how to have His Presence here on earth?

      The sermon was on fasting and prayer, and this again was just what I needed to hear. Don't you love it when you are working through something, and then you hear information from others about the very things you are pondering. Afterwards, I felt like I had been given some direction for the coming days.

     While waiting in the commons area, another church member came up and asked me how I was doing, and though I only revealed a very little at first, she responded with exactly what I needed to hear, then allowed me to share some of the burdens on my own heart. It seemed very much like a "divine appointment." When I came home,  I thought about our conversation and realized that I had a great sense that I had truth revealed to me today for that which I have been struggling. There was no way she could've really known what I needed to hear... I didn't even know... but He did.....

      I had a quiet afternoon, preparing lessons for my literature class that I will be teaching, and took a short nap, then got to go to see The Hobbit with my husband. We don't often go to the movie theater, but this week, had the opportunity to see two movies in a matter of a few days. I am still processing what I saw there tonight. I did enjoy the movie, but I have learned when I love a book and it is made into a movie, I must sort it out and learn how to love each medium separately.

      I did like, very much, how they tied the movie to the LOTR trilogy at the beginning... I thought that part was brilliantly done. And, I think one stand-out moment later in the movie was when Bilbo realized, when he had the opportunity to kill Gollum and be rid of his threat, that in the end, mercy was a better choice. I thought about how that one decision changes the entire outcome of the full story for all Hobbits, Elves, Dwarves, and Mankind in the coming adventures.... it meant EVERYTHING.

      It made me think about how we also do not realize how some of the choices we make, good or poor, will effect those things in our future that are to come. There are times now that I feel so insignificant and at times even a bit useless.... but God has a purpose for me and my choice to follow that or not affects not only me, but others as well.... even those I have never yet met. Something to think about......

     Overall, a very blessed day... I pray it will carry me through a week that promises to be quite busy.... lots to do every day this week before starting our homeschooling again next week. A heart at rest can accomplish much.... so I pray I can keep mine there....

     Under His Wing....

A Night at the Theater!

      There are two movies I wanted to see during this Christmas Break: The Hobbit and Les Miserables. Since I started teaching Christian literature in my homeschool co-op class, I have found a rekindled love of great classic Christian literature, and we read The Hobbit the first semester. But, I still need to see that movie.... hopefully soon....

      Tonight, I got to enter the dirty streets of France at the time that the entire country was trembling with Revolution. I was vaguely familiar with the story.... saw the black and white non-musical version awhile back on Netflix... but I have never seen the Broadway musical. And, I have just started reading the novel, but it is an enormous book, and I am only on the 3rd chapter of the first part. But, tonight, my husband and I had the privilege to experience the newly released motion picture of Les Miserables.

       The story is one of the most moving story lines I have ever encountered. I was amazed at the depth of Christian love and grace in this movie. It is not a classic for nothing.... many people who have never read classic literature have not realized that most of these timeless classics are timeless for the very fact that within them, they hold tightly to the principle that all stories have a piece of God's story within them. Whether it is as simple as true love winning over all... or as inspiring as good triumphing over evil...or as complex as self-sacrifice redeeming the broken-hearted.......  it is God's story. How much moreso, though, when the story contains Christian love, grace, and redemption overtly!

      I don't want to tell the plot in this blog, but I will tell you how it affected me..... there is a character named Jean Valjean who was convicted as a criminal for stealing bread for his sister's child who was dying of starvation.... 19 long years in a horrible slave labor.... yet, when he comes free, he is given a chance that many convicts were never given.... to have his sins forgiven and a new life created in his heart! The remaining story shows how he lives out this great gift of grace in his life.... it is the most touching thing I have ever seen. He loves mankind in a Christ-like way that called out to my own heart to strive for this very thing... how to do it?!?! How to love others with sacrifice, mercy and generosity?!?! Watch and learn from Jean Valjean.

      There are wonderful, inspiring scenes of God's mercy in action.... there are disgusting, horrifying scenes of man's inhumanity to man..... there are tender scenes of true love.... there are even a few comical scenes interspersed. The saddest moment, really is the moment when the Inspector who has chased Jean Valjean for years, is granted mercy, but refuses it, instead of receiving it. I couldn't help but think of how many people, in their own way do this very same thing everyday.....

       I couldn't end this blog post without mentioning that the music was amazing... this musical was filmed in a way that is different than any other musical ever filmed before... they had hidden earphones that piped live piano music for the actors to sing to, with the instrumentation then added later. The result is an amazing emotional effect, as the actors themselves were affected by the music... and they had leeway to stylize the music to their own benefit. The voices of these actors were wonderful to listen to, and there were moments when just the notes of their perfectly pitched voices caused tears to roll down my face.....  Truly, beautiful and timeless music.....

      This was definitely a movie that I would like to own..... but I would be careful to watch it only sparingly, as I would never want to desensitize myself to the emotional impact. I want to cry with Les Miserables-- the miserable ones-- the poor...... to rejoice with the victorious.... to hurt for the hurting and lost.... to grieve for the despairing..... this movie reaches places in my heart that very few artistic endeavors ever have....

It is most definitely a movie that inspires me to remain.......

Under His Wing

"To Shine on Those Living in Darkness..."

"Answer me quickly, LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:7-8


         Dark nights can bring dark thoughts. It seems that anxiety likes the nighttime better than any other time. Not much a person can do in the dark...I feel like I've been to the edge of that pit mentioned in the verse above too many times, looking down into the thick blackness that awaits at the bottom. Somehow, though, the Lord always brings me through to the morning. Even when my heart feels like it is caught up in a vice grip and the pain is intense and unceasing, somehow, He comes around me, holds me, and brings me through to see the daylight once again. I don't feel like I'm very good at focusing on Him and His Word when the dark nights come, but He has promised me that He will carry me when it is hard, and He always has. He's never failed me. I just need to remember.....He has promised..... "to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.” Luke 1:79

          I can look to the morning... a new day! I can look to "new mercies!" He will always Light my path, I just have to keep looking in the Light... it is so easy to focus on the shadows and to be confused and afraid when unable to see further down the road.... so much anxiety takes hold when we try to see beyond the Light. If I can just put my trust in His unfailing love.... I know He will show me the way I should go. Trust.... oh, yes... let me lay back my head on His shoulder, while He carries me in the dark night.

          When the dark nights come, He will hide me......

        Under His Wing....